The Darkness Consuming
by Red Bess Rackham
Summary: He wished with all his soul he never had to understand the pain and sorrow of a werewolf's life. Now he had no choice, as he was one too. In response to The Tough Challenge, by Eraina. AU, Complete.
1. Unfathomable

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Harry Potter or anything from that universe. At all. If I did, I definitely would not have killed off certain characters in Deathly Hallows. (sniffle sob)

**A/n**: Ok. So this a challenge set by **Eraina**. I won't give the details of the challenge but I will tell you more about it at the beginning of the next chapter. This chapter is supposed to be sort of vague and mysterious to start off, but stick with me. All will be explained. This chapter will be exceptionally short, but I repeat. Stick with me and wait for the next chapter. Trust me.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

There was barely a shave off the full moon. The night after the true full moon. The night after a night filled with horror and pain and fury that no one could have imagined. They couldn't imagine any of it unless it had happened to them. Unless they too had that kind of an experience every time the full moon rose into the night sky to induce such agony and devastation.

Unless they too, were a werewolf.

* * *

Had he anticipated the way that night some time ago, had come to pass, it was likely he would have made a very different set of choices. He would not have sided with the darkness. Now that he had, and he was here, he could see that the decision to do everything to save himself ended in the destruction of his own life. 

Not long after he'd made the decision to side with the darkness, the darkness had rejected him, betrayed him and left him to die. He'd been bitten by a werewolf. A werewolf who was supposed to be an ally, no less. Last night was the first full moon since.

Unfathomable was a good way to describe it. He wasn't sure he could've ever imagined exactly what it would be like. Now that he knew, he wished with all his soul that he had never found out in the first place.

* * *

It was nearly mid-afternoon. He was seated in an old, creaking wood chair in a deserted and derelict building on the edge of town. He held his tattered cloak close on his bony shoulders. As he looked down at his hands, all the fresh cuts and bruises stood out in stark contrast against his pale skin. He understood how people who were werewolves were often so scarred. 

He understood a lot of things now, he noted bitterly. More than he cared to admit and much more then he ever wanted to understand.

Yes, unfathomable, he decided, really was an excellent way to describe it all.

Unfathomably, Severus Snape was a werewolf.

* * *

**A/n:** Whoa! Did you guess who it was before the last sentence? Anyways, keep a weather eye out for chapter 2, coming real soon, because it'll really get things going…!!! 


	2. Cursed

**A/n:** Alright! Thanks for sticking with me or popping in or whatever. Here is the promised explainer-ish Author's Note. Firstly, yes, Snape has become a werewolf. In a nutshell, that challenge from Eraina was to make Snape a werewolf, then there were several other conditions after that. The timeline for this is set right after and partially during Half-Blood Prince. This story is also AU, as it is _**not **_Deathly Hallows compliant and will have a couple of other AU-ish elements (starting with the obvious Snape is a werewolf thing, lol). Lastly, though I am working this story from a "I Loathe Snape" perspective, there will be some "Maybe Snape's Not So Bad" elements in it. Again, all will be explained as the story progresses. Stay tuned. Lastly, thanks to all who reviewed, especially Eraina. Gald you liked it!

* * *

**Chapter 2**

It seemed like years since the night he'd chosen a side once and for all. It hadn't been that long – less than a month, in fact. It just seemed so much longer.

He remembered clearly pounding up the steps to the top of the Astonomy Tower, his heart smashing against his ribcage like never before. Part of him hoped that when he flung open the door, he'd find Dumbledore on the floor, dead by Draco's hand. That was what was _supposed_ to happen.

The rest of him knew that wouldn't be the case. Draco would turn out to be as weak as he suspected and feared, and he, Snape, would have to carry out Voldemort's orders and murder Dumbledore instead. Snape would never admit it in his lifetime to _anyone_, but he'd dreaded having to complete such a deed. Dumbledore had so blindly accepted Snape and somehow never wavered in trusting him, while everyone else remained convinced Snape was a double agent. Had the old man listened to all those others, perhaps he would not have cornered in such a situation and Snape would be among his fellow Death Eaters. Thank goodness Dumbledore had not heeded the advice of others.

Still, to kill his only link to the light side of the war that was now beginning, to destroy the only one who had ever showed Snape any sort of kindness, was rather tough. Tough and necessary.

And so he entered the scene as he knew he would. Draco with his wand pointed shakily at a defenseless and weary Dumbledore. Also present were four other Death Eaters and the ever loathsome Fenrir Greyback.

Amycus spoke, saying something about how Draco didn't seem up to the task at hand. Snape barely heard him. He could see immediately Draco couldn't finish the Headmaster off and so Snape had his own pointed at the old wizard as Dumbledore said weakly,

"Severus…"

Snape moved Draco out of the way as he moved closer to Dumbledore. He looked straight into those all-knowing eyes – the same eyes that had failed to notice where Snape's true loyalities lay. Snape's lip curled slightly.

Dumbledore, with all his power and all his talk of love and goodness prevailing, was barely alive and slumped against the edge of the Tower, surrounded by murderous Death Eaters as more attacked his precious school.

_You old fool,_ thought Snape. _Look where that has got you. You can't even defend yourself against a student. Pathetic. I pity you, old man. For you were always to blind and stupid and trusting to see what I was really doing all these years._

"Severus… please…"

Snape straightened. The moment had come. He no longer had to play sides, pass information, or hide. He no longer had to pretend to help the light in order to get to the darkness. The darkness that had always intrigued him so, was here, and more powerful than Dumbledore ever could be. Much more powerful than the light and Snape had always known it would be.

"_Avada Kedavra!_"

The spell hit the old wizard in the chest, sending him over the edge of the Tower. Dumbledore, the leader of the light, had finally fallen.

* * *

After escaping the Hogwarts grounds with Draco in tow, Snape made for an old shack marked as the safe place for him to meet Narcissa Malfoy when the task asked of Draco was complete. He sent a crow en route to her home, clasping a shred of fabric ripped from the bottom of his robes. Narcissa's reply was swift. The crow arrived back less than a few hours later with a crumpled piece of parchment that simply read,

"_I'm coming._"

Snape entered the living room area of the dusty building to find Draco pacing with his hands clenched behind his back.

"Now will you tell me why I am here?" Draco snapped the moment he saw Snape. "And why can't I leave?"

"Tried, did you?" drawled Snape.

Draco colored but did not reply.

"Thought you might. Thus the wards." Snape waved his hand about the room. "For when I could be here to - " his lip curled in disgust " – _supervise_ you."

"You didn't answer my first question." Draco said dangerously and stopped pacing.

"We're waiting."

"For what? The Ministry to come collect us?" Draco threw his hands in the air and let them flop to his sides. "We've been here for hours, after we broke into Hogwarts and murdered the Headmaster. I think the Ministry might notice and then come after those responsible: _us._"

"I doubt the Ministry knows quite yet of tonight's event."

"How could they not? Did you not hear me? We've been here for _several hours!_" said Draco heatedly.

"The Ministry is not as 'on top of things' as you might think they are." Snape replied calmly.

"Fine. But how can you be sure they don't know yet? And what about those Order people? How do you know _they_ aren't after us and on their way?"

"I assure you, we are safe here." Snape said, fast getting irritated with Draco's insolence. "The Order have their hands full fighting the other Death Eaters still at the castle."

"What if one of them followed us? It's possible, isn't it? I've heard about wizards who can track someone Apparating. We've got to get out of here and hide somewhere else – "

"_Draco._" Said Snape coldly. "I _assure_ you. We will not be found." He glared at Draco, making it quite plain that there was nothing else to discuss.

Draco glared back, then reluctantly complied and said no more.

When Narcissa arrived, Draco no longer questioned Snape as to why he was being detained. Snape let down the wards protecting the house first then moved to answer the knock on the door that followed. At the door, Snape and Narcissa exchanged a quick, whispered set of questions to determine that the other was not a Polyjuiced impersonator.

"Draco!" Narcissa ran forward and tearfully embraced her son.

Though he tried to disgustedly push Narcissa away, it was only half-heartedly and Snape didn't miss the look of relief that washed across Draco's features when Narcissa hugged him. Snape turned his face away, letting the mother and son share a small private moment. But only a moment.

He cleared his throat. "You'd better hurry, Narcissa."

She nodded and clutched her son's hand tightly in her own. "Come Draco." She said, suddenly all business.

"Where are we going now?" Draco said crossly as he and Narcissa made a swift exit.

Snape could not hear her reply, but didn't need to, as he already knew. The Malfoy family needed to reunite immediately before going to meet with the Dark Lord to let him know that Dumbledore was dead. In accordance to his plan with Narcissa, he was to bring Draco to a pre-arranged safe house where she would come to collect him. In accordance to Snape's orders from Lord Voldemort, having been probably the key element in orchestrating the fall of Hogwarts, Snape was to stay in this safe house for a few days while the Ministry and Order hunted for him. Once both had moved on to looking farther and farther away from Hogwarts, then Snape would able to come out of hiding and take his place amongst the other Death Eaters once and for all.

For now, Snape settled down into a dusty armchair. It was going to be a long wait before he could come out of hiding.

* * *

Indeed, it turned out to be nearly a week before Snape was summoned out of hiding by his Dark Mark burning and pulsing. He took down his wards and Apparated immediately.

It was quite dark outside as the thick clouds above completely obscured the moon and stars from view. Snape began walking down a wide dirt road towards a building in the distance. It was a sorry looking old barn, with a roof that appeared ready to cave in at any given second. He guessed it was likely being held up and together by magic and knew at once he was right when he slide through the wards set up to keep unwary Muggles or non-Death Eater wizards away. The hair on his skin stood straight up and he tingled coldly, his Dark Mark grew hotter, and then he was past the wards' border. He walked on his way towards the decrepit barn.

At that moment, Snape was startled to hear panting and strange footsteps not far from him. He spun around, drawing his wand as he did so.

"Careful, Severus," said Fenrir Greyback gruffly, his figure barely discernable in the inky night around them. "Watch where you're pointing that malfunctioning hunk of wood."

Snape lifted his lip slightly in disgust. "Fenrir," he said, lowering his wand, though he made no move to put it away.

"You don't have the Mark. How'd you manage to pass through the wards?"

Fenrir snorted and gave a wheezing sort of chuckle. "Those stupid magic walls of yours don't keep out animals, do they?" He laughed harder and it sounded like an odd, grumbling barking noise.

Snape didn't answer but suddenly felt rather uneasy. He wasn't entirely sure why and attributed it to his dislike of Fenrir flaring.

"So you finally chose a side once and for all, Snape?" Fenrir sneered. "Took you long enough to drag yourself out of hiding since the Hogwarts battle."

Snape continued to keep his mouth shut. He'd expected comments like that one. He was, however, on Voldemort's orders and _no one_ could argue with that, no matter how they felt about it.

"Fear the Dark Lord, do you? Is that why you disappeared so hastily after Dumbledore was finished off? Fled, actually, might be a better word – "

"I am doing as Lord Voldemort instructed." Snape snapped icily.

"Oh yes, of course." Growled Fenrir. "Just as we are supposed to believe that during all your years of 'teaching' at Hogwarts, you were really there gathering information to pass on the moment the Dark Lord returned. Yes, Severus the spy. Who would ever suspect Dumbledore's pet to be working for the other side all this time. Tell me, Severus, where were you the night he returned? Where were you – "

Snape stopped walking and said furiously, "I could ask you the same thing, you foul creature. I grow tired of these accusations and allegations behind my back. The Dark Lord trusts me and seems quite satisfied with the information I have passed as well as my actions in his service. If it good enough for him, it _certainly_ ought to be good enough for _you_, of all things, _Fenrir_." He fairly spat the other's name.

Fenrir bristled angrily immediately. "Are you suggesting that I agree with the decisions of the Drak Lord? Or that I would _dare_ show disloyalty?"

"You are greedy, treacherous and selfish enough that – "

"I find it amusing that _you_ would call _me_ treacherous and selfish." Snarled Fenrir. "You of all people – "

Snape continued as if not interrupted. " - that if it were not in your best interests to side with Lord Voldemort, you would be hiding underground with the rest of your stinking race."

Fenrir growled dangerously. "You'd better watch your filthy mouth, Severus, or – "

Then it happened, all at once, in a single instant. As Fenrir spoke, Snape raised his wand and the clouds uncovered the moon.

A full moon.

Fenrir never finished his sentence. Snape could see the area around Fenrir's mouth glistening in the moonlight with what looked terribly like fresh blood. Suddenly Snape's previous unease about Fenrir and Fenrir's panting made sense. Snape back away a few steps, horror-striken at what was happening, and then watched, transfixed against his will by the hideous sight before him.

Fenrir began to transform: his face elongating to that of a wolfish snout, his limbs lengthening…

The werewolf lashed out before Snape had moved far enough away or recovered from his horror enough to run, sending Snape's wand hurtling into a ditch. Fenrir howled loud and hauntingly, sending a shock of terror through Snape that finally woke his sense. Together they all sent a single message: _RUN._

Snape turned managed to scoop up his wand and pelted hard down the dirt road away from the barn. There was no sense running there for cover, for though there were other Death Eaters that could potentially provide some protection from the werewolf now chasing him, the likelihood of Fenrir biting other Death Eaters, or worse, Lord Voldemort, was too great a risk to take. Snape thought that if ran away from the barn he would draw Fenrir away also. Then he would Apparate before Fenrir got too close.

It was all good in theory, in his head at that moment. Thinking back he wished he had seen a much better course of action. There was one glaring and detrimental flaw in that little plan of his: Fenrir could run faster than Snape.

It really was only a matter of mere seconds before Fenrir was upon Snape. Snape twisted this way and that, trying desperately to curse the beast, but couldn't hit him, and couldn't concentrate on the spells even if he was able to hold his wand to Fenrir's temple. Teeth had sunk deep into Snape's arm, so sharp it cut easily through his tick robes, and a grip so tight that Snape was sure his bones were snapping and breaking within his skin. He screamed and fought for his life, sure he was about to lose it. Blind panic, severe pain and extreme fear took over. In a blur of action, screams, howls and movements, somehow, the grip on Snape's arm was released and he rolled away. He Apparated with a thousand things crushing through his mind before Fenrir was able to lunge for another attack to finish Snape off.

Had he not been clutching his bleeding arm and crying out in pain, he would've given a thought to how miraculous it was that he had not splinched himself in two.

That was how it started. That was how he had been bitten.

* * *

**A/n: **Whew, there we are. Apologies that the update took so long. My college projects have been crushing me, and I am actually being very bad by slipping past my homework to fanfic a little. Eep! Anyways, lol, more soon!


	3. Transformation

**A/n: **Oddly, I don't think I have anything to say.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Snape managed to stop the bleeding of the bite wound on his arm and find a dark, empty cave to hide in. He wasn't entirely sure where he was, as he'd been thinking of too many things at once when he'd Apparated. For about the thousandth time, he marveled that he had not splinched himself.

Still very shaken by the evening's events, Snape decided to wait out the night in the cave. The ground of the cave was cold, hard and too uncomfortable to sleep on, but it didn't matter. Even if he used a spell to create a bed, he was quite sure he wouldn't be able to fall asleep anyway.

For several hours, Snape stared alternately into the darkness around him and down at his arm, the same thoughts circling around in his head. His mind replayed the moment Fenrir had transformed, when Snape had run for his life and when he'd been bitten. He kept thinking about the beast that Fenrir had changed into was now going to be _him_. He tried to think about what he was going to do now, how he was going to tell the Death Eaters about this new "problem" and how they would react. He wondered if Voldemort already knew of Fenrir's attack, if Fenrir had found the barn where the meeting was supposed to take place and if Fenrir had attacked anyone else.

At about the time his thoughts came full circle again, he would sigh and rub his temples.

Snape wished for dawn to come quickly. For though he _seriously_ doubted it, he desperately hoped things would look better in the morning.

* * *

As suspected, things did not look any better in the morning. In fact, if anything, things looked worse. Snape's arm was bloody and infected in appearance when he removed his make-shift bandages. He was aching all over, for at some point he had somehow dozed off and then slept at a very awkward angle against the cave wall. On top of that, he still did not know what in the world to do next.

Snape cursed his situation. He had to somehow gather supplies to create a Wolfsbane potion for himself – for there was no way he was going to actually transform if he could help it. The question was how he was going to manage to make the potion with no money, not knowing how far away the nearest town was, if they even had a place in which he could get the potion ingredients, and this was all aside from the fact that was likely as much of a wanted man as Sirius Black after the battle of Hogwarts. Lastly, he needed to figure out how to get a Healer's touch on his arm so it didn't worsen, which was also going to be difficult to come by.

At least he had his wand. Now in a slightly clearer state of mind than the night before, Snape was at least able to do something about his arm himself for the time being. He was no Healer, but he knew some basic spells that would hopefully make it alright. He used a spell to clean the wound (which stung much more than Snape had anticipated), then another to conjure up some fresh, clean bandages to wrap it in. Once the stinging and pain subsided, it already felt much better.

Snape ventured out of his cave and his mouth actually quirked into a quick, small smile of relief to see a small town not too far away. He knew at once it was a wizarding village, as he spotted a pair of people of broomsticks swoop down from the clouds and descend into the town. He guessed there were likely several Anti-Muggle charms protecting the town from view.

Snape drew the hood of his cloak up so that his face was partially hidden as he approached the village. He wanted to find an apothecary quickly, somehow barter – or steal, he supposed, if it came to that – the ingredients needed for the potion as well as a cauldron to brew them in.

Many of the shops in the town were quite shabby and run-down looking and a few were even boarded up. As he made his way down the street, his hope of finding an open apothecary dwindled, though he reasoned it would likely be easier to get what he needed if he found one all boarded up. There were posters plastered everywhere warning against Dementors, Death Eaters and Unforgiveable Curses – like they did any good, Snape mused – and copies of _The Daily Prophet_ new and old littered the streets among other rubbish. Not many people seemed to be out and about, even though it was a warm, sunny day.

That suited Snape just fine – the less people that were around meant there was a smaller chance of him getting recognized. Though no one seemed to look twice in Snape's direction as he strode down the street, he nevertheless kept a tight grip on his wand, ready to draw it in an instant if the need should arise.

A short time later, he came upon an Apothecary down a darkened side street buried between a closed New and Used store and a boarded-up café. The windows were very grimy and upon first site, it seemed it was also closed. Snape double-checked that it was indeed open, however, then proceeded into the dimly lit shop. Immediately he made his way to the counter at the back of the dirty store, behind which sat an ancient-looking old man.

Snape wasted no time. "I need ingredients for a Wolfsbane potion." He said to the man. "And a cauldron to brew it in."

The old man turned pale, tired eyes to regard Snape. "Alright then, go and get them." When Snape didn't move, the man proceeded to point out the location of the ingredients Snape needed and where a cauldron could be found from his chair behind the counter.

Without another word, Snape moved around the shop gathering the things he required until he had everything. Snape never thought he would ever be thankful that he had made Remus Lupin Wolfsbane potion so many times during that one school year three years ago, but now he found he was. Making it repeatedly had caused him to inadvertently commit the recipe to memory perfectly so now he could recall exactly what and how much of it he needed.

Snape placed the ingredients on the counter when he was sure he'd gotten them all. The old man seemed quite annoyed that Snape had chosen to bother him again and reluctantly got off his stool. With a great sigh, he slowly went about ringing in the various items Snape was purchasing and then placing them in different sized bags.

Snape shifted from foot to foot, ever so slightly uncomfortable and plenty annoyed himself. Firstly, the old man was taking forever to ring everything up and Snape wanted to get out of the town as soon as possible. That accounted for the part of him that was annoyed. He was a little uncomfortable because he did not have any money with him and had quite figured out yet how he was going to persuade the man to give Snape the items anyways.

The old man wheezily informed Snape of the total that it all cost and Snape said quickly, "I have no money."

The old man's bushy white eyebrows moved up onto his creased forehead and he looked significantly more irritated than before. "No _money?_" he repeated incredulously.

"But I will be taking those bags and cauldron with me when I leave." said Snape firmly.

The old man cackled. "Oh _sure!_ I'll just _let_ you have it all for _free_, then, _shall_ I?"

Snape's lip curled with disdain and he said dangerously, "Yes, I believe you shall."

The old man shook his white head, all amusement gone from his wrinkled features, replaced by anger. "Absolutely not. No money, no goods." He made to pull all the bags off the counter.

Snape's hands shot out and grabbed the man's skinny wrist in a vice-like grip. "Do not trifle with me, old man. You don't know who you're dealing with."

"You ain't He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, so I ain't got nothing to fear. Get your hand off me, mister." The man growled angrily. "Or I'll – "

"You'll what?" Snape sneered. "Call the Ministry? That's laugh."

The old man didn't reply.

Snape relinquished his hold on the man to roll up his sleeve. "Perhaps," he said. "_This_ will change your mind." He thrust his exposed arm at the man.

The Dark Mark stood out starkly against Snape's pallid skin.

The old man stared with wide eyes and began to tremble. "A-re you… you're a… D-d…- "

"Yes." Snape snapped. "And contrary to your previous declaration of having no fear unless I was the Dark Lord himself, I see you no longer wish to charge me for these products."

The old man seemed unable to reply.

Snape snatched up the bags of ingredients, threw them in the cauldron and scooped it up. The man made no move to stop him, so with no further protest from the old man, Snape swept from the Apothecary.

* * *

Once back in the cave, Snape quickly set things up to make the potion. He created a stand out of twigs and branches to place the cauldron on and used his wand to make a fire. He set to work dividing up the ingredients as well as he could, using a spell instead of knife to cut or chop and so on. Eventually, the potion was coming along nicely and though it was barely mid-day, Snape felt he finally might be able to get some much needed sleep.

* * *

Over the following weeks leading up to the next full moon, Snape carefully continued to brew the Wolfsbane potion. He left the cave to gather food a few times a day, whether it was from the forest near the cave or down in the town. On the occasions he went to the town to get something to eat, he would sneak into houses or stores and steal some food, and once or twice showed the frightening tattoo on his arm to bully people into giving him something, as he had done to the Apothecary shop keeper.

He grew weaker daily, too, like he was coming down with a bad case of the flu. He remembered how tired and drawn Lupin used to look leading up to the full moon and guessed he probably looked quite similar. His food ventures became closer to the cave and much shorter in length as he just had no energy left.

All in all, though, Snape wasn't overly worried about his condition (for the time being), only because he knew he was going to have the comfort of having taken the Wolfsbane potion. He was sure his "problem" would be far worse without the potion.

He decided he would seek out Voldemort after the full moon had passed. Snape figured the Dark Lord's reception of him would likely be very cold, seeing as how Snape had disappeared instead of come to the meeting that night. Snaoe had no where else to go, however, so he would have to suffer whatever the Dark Lord had to say or do to him as punishment. Besides that, Snape had after all murdered Voldemort's worst enemy, so surely he couldn't be treated too badly.

These thoughts were all well and good, of course, until two nights before the full moon. Snape had left the cave to go find something to eat and though he was weak and tired, he headed down into the town to find something more sustainable than berries and sweet grass. He ended up being gone longer because he traveled slowly and more houses and shops had closed up since Snape's last visit to town, making his job of procuring food a bit more difficult and cumbersome.

When he finally arrived back at his cave, he forgot all about the food in his arms at the sight that greeted him.

"No…" Snape dropped everything he was carrying and rushed over to the cauldron.

Apparently some animals had found Snape's cave, possibly drawn in by the potion's scent. There were tracks and droppings everywhere, making the cave's floor muddled enough that Snape could not properly determine what animals had left them. Worst of all, however, was that the cauldron had been tipped onto its side. The ground was wet all around where the cauldron lay and there was less then a spoonful of Wolfsbane still left, pooled in the cauldron's side.

It was gone. And there was no time to brew another batch.

He would have to undergo his first transformation without it.

* * *

It was the definition of _hell_. The full moon rose high into the sky and the transformation began.

His body felt like it was literally on fire. He threw himself to the ground and rolled in the dirt, trying desperately to put out the flames he could not see.

His agonized screams rose in volume and intensity when his limbs and face elongated to become that of a wolf's. Claws sprouted from his fingertips as his hands changed to paws. Fur grew on his body as his clothes disappeared.

Below in the town, windows and doors were shut and locked as a man's screams turned into that of a vicious, howling wolf.

Then the transformation was complete. He was a werewolf.

He was not aware that he was Severus Snape anymore. Smells accosted him from everywhere and yet everything seemed somehow colorless. He was on four paws and he howled and he ran…

* * *

He didn't remember much of that night, but when he woke up in a rickety shack the next morning, he could see the evidence of it all around him. Dusty furniture that hadn't been touched in years were now splinters and twigs, strewn this way and that. There were claw marks and bite marks everywhere he looked, including his own body. The wounds were not deep, but fresh and bloody just the same.

For a moment, he thought he had somehow managed to make all the way from wherever he was to the Shrieking Shack in Hogsmeade. It certainly looked like it, and if Snape was not mistaken, the very place Lupin carried out his own terrible transformations.

He stood and stepped across the room to look out a grimy, half-boarded up window. He ached all over as he did so like he'd taken a severe beating. Wincing in pain, he wiped away a spot on the window with a tattered sleeve. He was not in Hogsmeade, but on the outskirts of the town, in an abandoned old house he had passed many times on his way to gather food.

Though he practically ever cared about another human being, and especially not now that he was fully loyal to the Dark Lord, as he looked out over the quiet, sad little town, a thought struck Snape. After the horrible suffering he had just experienced that night, he actually hoped that he had not inflicted the same horror on anyone else. It was beyond a nightmare. There were many people Snape had hated in his lifetime – two in particular sprang to his mind immediately – and after going through the terrifying and agonizing transformation of a werewolf himself, he couldn't truly wish such a fate on any one of them.

Snape moved to another room in the house where he found a chair that had managed to survive his animalistic destruction. He gingerly sat down on it and wrapped his ripped cloak tighter around his shoulders.

He didn't move until well into the evening.

* * *

**A/n**: And there's chapter 3. Please review if you read it, as I appreciate any and all feedback deeply and greatly. :D

Eraina: (Since I can't just click 'reply' on your reviews...) I have this story written and finished, actually, it's just a matter up typing it when I get the chance. I am actually being really bad in that I'm skiving off homework to bring you this new chapter (wince). Were you a wizard-ing type for Halloween? That's awesome! I was an 80's rockstar. It was intense, lol. Anyways, thank you so much for reviewing!


	4. Revelation

**A/n: **Thanks to all my reviewers! Every word is really appreciated. I know I say "appreciated" a lot, but the reviews really are. :) Here's the new chappie I (hope) you've all been waiting for. This is a super long chapter, too, so enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 4**

That night, Snape knew he had to do something. He needed to get in contact with someone he trusted. The problem with that, of course, was that there _was_ no one he really trusted – not with his new "problem", that is.

Snape sighed and rubbed his temples with his fingertips.

He supposed he had to tell another Death Eater about his condition and also so he could find out what had been happening since his disappearance following the fall of Dumbledore. He still wondered what had happened to Greyback the night he'd bitten Snape.

Finally having someone in mind, Snape heaved another deep sigh and left the shack.

* * *

Snape knocked on the door quickly. He saw the light behind the curtain briefly flicker as though someone had just walked past it. He heard footsteps approach the door and he stayed still while he sensed he was being observed carefully through the peephole. A moment later, the door opened a crack and Avery peered out with his wand raised.

"Severus?" he said and eyed Snape cautiously.

Snape nodded.

"Is it really you?"

Snape nodded again. "I swear, Robert Avery, as someone who as known you since boyhood, I am who I say I am." He paused slightly before adding, "We buried it six steps…"

"…From the willow by the lake shore." Avery finished, relief momentarily washing over him. Then he panickedly looked out onto the dark street outside his house past Snape. "Get inside, quick, before someone sees you."

"It's nighttime and I am quite positive I was not followed." Snape moved into the living room as Avery hastily shut and locked the door behind him.

"All the same." said Avery. Then he turned to Snape. "Severus, what happened? What are you doing here?" Before Snape had a chance to answer, Avery pushed on. "We thought you were dead, maybe nabbed by the Ministry, though Lucius assured us he'd heard nothing. We thought those Order people had gotten you or something – wiped you out without a trace."

"Obviously none of the above." commented Snape coolly.

Avery blinked. "Well, apparently not. But we had no idea, Severus. We just assumed… I mean, when you never showed up for the meeting at the barn weeks ago. We – well, I, decided something must have gone wrong."

Snape averted his eyes. "Something _did_ go wrong." He said quietly.

"What?" asked Avery. "What happened?"

"Tell me what happened at the barn meeting first."

Avery eyed Snape before sighing and reluctantly explaining, "It was a disaster. Everyone started showing up as planned and then we heard this terrible howling noise. Most of us got a little jumpy because it definitely sounded like a werewolf, and one that was real close at that. The Dark Lord wasn't frightened at all of course and told us to forget about it. It louder and closer until finally, frustrated enough at our nervousness, the Dark Lord sent out Dolohov and Macnair out to see what it was."

Snape felt cold and froze as he listened to Avery speak.

Avery shook his head, seeming annoyed and regretful as he continued. "It was Greyback. Somehow, he'd slipped through the wards we'd set up and he attacked Dolohov and Macnair as soon as they got outside. We heard the screams and rushed out immediately to see what was happening. That animal didn't waste any time – Dolohov was already dead, and Greyback was struggling with Macnair. The Dark Lord told us to end it, so we combined spells and killed Greyback."

Though Avery seemed to happy to be rid of Greyback, whatever the rest of his story held, appeared to be paining him to have to say. "Macnair had been bitten but he was live and not horribly injured. The Dark Lord was furious that it had all happened. Macnair quickly promised to use his new werewolf affliction to help our cause, and sort of take Greybacks place only better. You know how the Dark Lord feels about half-breeds, though, and how he barely tolerated Greyback because he was such a wild killing-machine."

"Macnair…?" began Snape, his mouth dry and a very sick feeling settling like dead weight in the bottom of his stomach.

Avery shook his head again. "The Dark lord blasted him. That was the end of the meeting."

Snape put his head in his hands.

There was a long, heavy pause.

Finally, Avery spoke. "So what happened to you? You said something _did_ go wrong…"

Snape swallowed. "Forget I said anything."

"What?"

Snape stood suddenly and headed for the door. "Forget I was ever here. Tell them you have new information, that I'm dead. No one knows what happened. Just that I'm gone."

Avery blocked Snape's way, his features scrunched with concern and confusion. "Severus, what is it? What's going on?

"Nothing. _Forget I came_." Snape snapped and tried for the door again but Avery moved to block him a second time. He was considering leaving the hard way which involved using his wand on Avery if he didn't move, when Avery turned pleading and slightly suspicious eyes to Snape's downcast ones.

"Severus, we went to Hogwarts together. We became Death Eaters together. I swear, that whatever it is, you can confide in me like you used to. I shall not repeat it."

Snape considered this for several moments. Indeed, Avery was an old schoolmate and probably one of the only Death Eaters he felt he could actually place any form of trust in. Avery, however, did not always make the smartest decisions and had been punished more than once by the Dark Lord for these poor decisions or for passing bad information. Still…

Finally he met Avery's gaze.

"I came for the meeting that night." said Snape in a low voice. "I ran into Fenrir. The moon came out from behind a cloud, and… I… I barely got away with my life. But not before he…"

Avery paled. "You…?"

Snape nodded solemnly. "I was bitten."

Avery staggered backwards and raked his hand through his chestnut hair. "Severus…"

Snape looked away and instinctively his hand on his arm where his wound was still bandaged beneath his sleeve.

The room was quiet for a few seconds as Avery processed this information and decided what he though about it. Snape let him, choosing to stay silent until he heard what Avery had to say.

"If… if the Dark Lord was to know about this – " Avery began.

"He won't." said Snape quickly. "If you don't tell him."

Avery shook his head vigourously. "Of course not. Not after Macnair. It could have been any one of us."

"Then for all intents and purposes, Seeverus Snape is dead. Gone." Snape said bitterly. "You never spoke to me."

"What will you do?" Avery asked slowly and quietly after a pause.

"Disappear."

* * *

Snape departed from Avery's with a swift and somber goodbye. It was likely they would never see each other again.

As he hurried through the darkened streets with his hood pulled over his face, Snape hardly paid much attention to where he was going until he turned a certain familiar corner. He could see the familiar house not far away and had to marvel at the irony that his feet had brought him here. He had been to that house several times for Order meetings. As he approached the house, he highly doubted the house's owner would be in. The sole occupant of the house spent the majority of his time either at the "official" Order headquarters, Black's old place, or out on some Order mission of some description.

Snape stopped walking and stood staring at the quiet house for several moments, thoughts and memories sifting through his mind. Then, somehow, perhaps because he knew no one would be home (he couldn't see any lights on) or perhaps because he believed that should the occupant be home, he would be asleep enough not hear him, Snape approached the house.

He was on the doorstep and his hands and body seemed to be acting of its own accord. His hand knocked on the door and his feet kept him rooted to the spot. A solid moment or two passed by and Snape felt oddly disappointed and relieved. His feet finally let him regain control and he turned to leave, when suddenly to door opened. Snape froze and stared at the man in surprise who looked just as shocked, if not more, to see Snape.

Snape managed to recover first and asked Remus Lupin sadly, "How'd you do it?"

* * *

Lupin blinked and produced his wand. "What are you doing here?" he said furiously.

Snape made no move to grab his own wand. He simply repeated, "How do you do it?"

The fact that Snape was acting so unlike Snape (no snide comments, angry retort) or how Lupin expected him to act since Dumbledore's death (laughing cruelly before creating a new crater in the ground where Lupin had just been standing) caught him off guard and caused him to pause. Still, he kept his wand arm tense and ready. "How do I do what?"

"This. Being a werewolf." replied Snape quietly.

Lupin stared unblinkingly at Snape. If the lack of curses or retorts had caught him off guard before, it was nothing to how he felt after Snape's last reply. Was he joking? Was he really here to have a laugh? Was this is some stupid joke, a kind of diversion, before Death Eaters jumped out from the shadows to eliminate a known member of the Order of the Phoenix?

He began to wonder why in the world he'd come to answer the door in the first place. He wasn't actually supposed to be living at his own house seeing as how Death Eaters would try looking for him there first should they decide to attack him. Then, if he was living at his own house, there was no reason why he should be answering the door. Order members Apparated in his living room or on rare occasions, managed to use the Floo without the Ministry breathing down their neck about it.

Lupin was just about to slam the door in Snape's face, convinced this was a trap he had just fallen head first into, when Snape again in that same oddly wounded, tried and defeated tone he'd used before, and the one Lupin had never heard escape Snape's lips before this moment.

"Please. I must know." He said. "How do you do it?"

Lupin, by no means, trusted Snape any longer. He had his doubts before, but had agreed that if Dumbledore had a solid reason to trust Snape then so did Lupin. He now knew, of course, how wrong that thinking had been. He didn't yet believe that Snape had not come to off him, nor that he had not brought several Death Eaters with him to aid him if necessary. He still didn't quite understand what exactly Snape wanted to know and had a good mind to Stun Severus off his doorstep and turn him into the Ministry or the Order.

Yet…

Yet there was so unexplainably strange about Snape that moment. It was something that Lupin had never, _ever_ seen on Snape before and it was at the same time curious and frightening. He didn't think there was anyway Snape was faking that odd… _feeling_. What had happened to cause such a change in Snape?

A solid minute passed before Lupin spoke. "If I let you into my house, you will walk in front of me straight into the living room and into the nearest chair. You will keep your hands and your wand above your shoulders. You will put your wand on the coffee table where I can see it and you will not make any attempt to use it on me or my house."

Snape raised an eyebrow – a much more Snape-like gesture. "And in return?"

"In return," said Lupin. "I agree not to kill you right now and hand you over to the Ministry."

"And the Order?"

"We'll see." Said Lupin and stepped aside to allow Snape to pass.

Snape weighed his options as he looked into Lupin's slightly dingy but warm house. He had no where to go, no where to be. He wanted to talk to someone who knew what it was like to be this way and truthfully, Lupin was the only werewolf Snape knew. Besides, if he did hand him to the Order who subsequently killed him for the betrayal and murder of Dumbledore, it had to be less painful and terrible than the werewolf transformations.

He nodded and obediently made his way into the living room, his hands at shoulder height, until he reached the coffee table where he lowered them to place his wand as instructed. Lupin kept his own wand trained carefully on Snape the entire time and sat in a chair on the opposite side of the room from Snape. It was clear he had not expected Snape to comply. He eyed Snape suspiciously.

"So what are you doing here?" Lupin asked.

"I've said already. I need to know," said Snape. "How you do it."

"You keep saying that. I don't understand what you mean."

Snape sighed and rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and then looked up as he spoke. "I mean how do you deal with… being a werewolf. What do you do when you have no Wolfsbane potion? Do you ever remember what happens to you once you've transformed? Things like that."

"Why the sudden interest?" Lupin raised his chin a little. "Why do you care? Going to be hunting werewolves, next, is that it? Want to know what makes them tick so as to find the best way to wipe them out?"

"Of course not." said Snape.

"Well then? What?"

Snape turned away for a few seconds. Did he really have to explain to Lupin what had happened? Was there a way to get the information he needed without revealing he was one too?

But then why had he come? Why did his feet take him to this street, this house, and up those steps if some part of him had not been craving to hear what Lupin had to say? Why did his hands knock on the door, even if he thought no one would be home? Some part of him wanted answers, wanted information, wanted to know it all from someone who had years and years of experience with it.

"I…" he began and stopped. He slowly, reluctantly, met Lupin's gray-green eyes. Quietly, as if afraid he might be overheard, he said, "Greyback got me too."

It was all he needed to say. Lupin's eyes widened a little and he inadvertently lowered his wand a few inches. He stared at Snape completely stunned and _positive_ he must have heard wrong.

"What?" he fairly breathed.

Snape rolled up his sleeve to reveal his makeshift bandage. Slowly he unraveled it until Lupin could see the scabbed and bruised area on Snape's arm where Fenrir had clamped on. Snape swallowed and carefully replaced the bandage, silently noting he was going to need to get a new one.

Lupin was clearly speechless. Obviously whatever he expected Snape to say or do, confessing that a Death Eater ally had turned on him to make him into a fellow werewolf, was _not_ something Lupin had had in mind – at all. A couple times Lupin opened his mouth wider as if to say something and when nothing came, he closed it halfway, still shocked. His wand, still clutched in his hand, now rested on his thigh.

"I… are you…" Lupin searched desperately for what he wanted to say.

"I only came here for information. I mean you no ill will, despite what you may think, and there is no one coming after me, or waiting for me." said Snape truthfully, guessing Lupin's earlier thoughts. "I know you have absolutely no reason to believe me, but I swear it."

Still Lupin didn't know what to say. Several long moments passed by where all that could be heard was the _tick-tick-tick_ of the clock on the wall. Lupin seemed to be wrestling with his thoughts as he digested the news about Snape, while Snape waited patiently.

Finally, Lupin gathered himself and asked, "When did it happen?"

"A week after the battle at Hogwarts." replied Snape.

Lupin nodded slowly. "So you've transformed once already, then, right?"

"Yes." Snape answered and absent-mindedly rubbed the scratches and scrapes healing on his hands.

"You won't get as many the more you transform." Lupin said.

"What?"

"The scratches."

"Oh."

From there, things went a little better. Snape asked questions softly and Lupin answered as best as he could, always keeping his wand in hand, not taking any chances just in case. The whole hour and a half that Snape was at Lupin's, he could not push from his mind his previous relationship – if it could be called that – with Lupin. He'd always hated him, mostly because of his association with those idiots Black and Potter. Lupin had been the least offensive or arrogant of that group but he had been a part of them nonetheless. Snape hated him more after he found out what he was, what "condition" he had. He'd found it disgusting and dangerous, though he never told anyone after Dumbledore had sworn him to secrecy. He loathed that in later years, Dumbledore had allowed the werewolf into Hogwarts to become the newest Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

It was wretchedly ironic, Snape thought, that he had caused Lupin to lose his Hogwarts job by managing to have Lupin's condition revealed. Ironic, that Snape had indirectly wrecked Lupin's life – at the very least, small parts of it during their Hogwarts years together – and had hated him for being a werewolf, for being _lower_ or second clas to "real" wizards. Now he and Lupin shared the very same affliction.

_Cruel irony._ He thought bitterly. _That's what it is. What goes around comes around, isn't that what they say?_

When Snape had finally run out of questions and silence in the room grew, Lupin was the first to break it.

"I suppose you'll be needing to get to some Death Eater meeting now." He said, failing to keep the contempt from his voice.

Though Snape wanted to retort with a sneer like he normally would have, the thought of other Death Eaters instead made his shoulders droop and thus no retort came. Instead, he said, "I suppose you'll be handing me over to the Order before I have a chance to do that."

Lupin sighed heavily.

Before he could reply, Snape said, "And, no, I'm not actually. I'm not exactly… _welcome_ among their ranks any longer." Macnair's face flashed in Snape's mind.

Lupin looked surprised and skeptical at this. "Because of the lycanthropy?"

Snape turned his gaze away.

Lupin took that as a 'yes'.

Several more quiet moments passed by before Lupin spoke again.

"I wouldn't wish being a werewolf on anyone, because I know first hand the horror that it brings." He said hollowly. As Snape glanced up, Lupin met his gaze and held it. He added flatly, "Think of this as your punishment for murdering and betraying Albus Dumbledore."

Snape touched the spot where he'd been bitten and felt an emotion that he was sure he had not felt in a very, very long time: guilt. It was just a small pang that came with Lupin's words, but it was guilt nonetheless.

"Take your wand and get out of my house. Do not ever come here again or I will not hesitate a single second before I hand you over to the Order and let them deal with you as they see fit." Lupin's tone was calm and without malice, though it was crystal clear that he strongly meant every word he said.

Snape stood and picked up his hand. He paused. "Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?"

"Letting me go free, unharmed… after all the pain I've caused you?"

A ghost of the saddest smile Snape had ever seen touched Lupin's features. "I've already said: because I know what it's like and I don't wish it on anyone. For now, what you've done to yourself plus being a werewolf is punishment enough."

* * *

**A/n**: Just wanted to mention one thing quick, about Avery and Snape. I was thinking they were not like best buds or anything, but more like they had some sort of a connection because they've always kinda been together through school and becoming Death Eaters, different missions and such. I don't think they _really_ trust each other all that much, because they _are_ Death Eaters after all. They would never die for the other and likely are careful about using the word "friend". But when Snape tried to think of someone in the Death Eater ranks he could rely on for a few hours, he eventually thought of Avery, because of thier long history. Anywyas, just thought I would explain that. Thanks for reading! 


	5. Alone

**A/n:** Last chapter. Thanks for reading! And thanks to Eraina, for the challenge I thought I would never do – but obviously did.

* * *

**Chapter 5**

Snape found the shack he had woken up in the morning after his transformation and went about cleaning it up, particularly all the broken furniture. He cleared the dust and splinters from every surface and set up a makeshift bed in the far corner of the top floor. He locked the door up tight and boarded most of the windows.

It was to be the "haunted" Shrieking Shack of this town – and his new home.

_So this is it,_ he thought. _This is how I'm going to spend the rest of my days._

He was unable to hope for better – not after all that he'd done, all that happened. He had crafted his life in such a way as to someday forever serve the darkness, the Dark Arts, the Dark Lord. He even gone so far as to "align" himself with Albus Dumbledore and his little warriors of light, the Order.

All for naught.

He had burned every one of those bridges once and for all when he'd murdered the Hogwarts Headmaster. The ties to the Death Eaters had been severed for him after hearing of the reception Macnair, newly bitten by a werewolf, had received when Lord Voldemort realized what he was to become. Now Snape had no link, no tie, no alliance… with anyone.

He was trapped all alone on a desert island, he was painted into a corner, he had no place to go. He was a man without a country.

_Unfathomable…_

Snape buried his face in his hands, feeling sadder, more hopeless and alone than he ever had before in his entire life.

_A man without a country._

* * *

Had he anticipated the way that night, some time ago, had come to pass, it was likely he would have made a very different set of choices. He would not have sided with the darkness, because it had thrown him away like a piece of garbage. Now that he had, and he was here, he could see that the decision to do everything to save himself ended in the destruction of his own life. 

But he _had_ chosen the darkness, however, and now he could see all his decisions to further his own ends had ended with this destruction of his own life.

The darkness had rejected him, betrayed him and left him to die – well, they thought he was dead already. All because he had become a werewolf.

Unfathomable was still the best word to describe it. He didn't think he could've imagined how things would turn out or how he was going to get through his days.

He still doesn't.

* * *

There was barely a shave off the full moon. The night before the true full moon. The night before a night filled with horror and pain and fury that no one could have imagined. They couldn't imagine any of it unless it had happened to them. Unless they too had that kind of an experience every time the full moon rose into the night sky to induce such agony and devastation. 

Unless they too, were a werewolf.

And unfathomably, Severus Snape was a werewolf.

**-End-**

* * *

**A/n:** This story was rather much of a "branching out" for me, if you will. Did you catch the "echoes" or throwback, whatever you want to call it, to chapter 1? Anyways, thank you to everyone who reviewed and anyone who still will. Also thanks for just reading. 


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